If I had stayed on active duty instead of getting out in 1999, I would have reached the 20 year mark in 2004. I could have retired and immediately received retired pay and medical coverage for my family.
We (but mostly me) decided to ask the Navy to release me at 15 years. Sam was a year old. Barry was out of the Marines and working for Cargill, a grain company. So when Cargill invited us to move to Illinois, it solidified my thoughts of “what if” into a decision. I wanted to be a stay at home moma.
One gargantuan, defining moment as a working, deployable parent happened in 1999 while still on active duty in Virginia Beach. I was returning from an overnight trip for work, Barry had taken Sam to daycare that morning and then he headed out of town for work. There was a small gap of a couple -three hours when we both were out of town. I landed sometime after lunch and while heading to Mimi’s to pick Sam up and go home - my work pager went off. When that happened, we were required to report to work within an hour. I called Mimi to tell her I had to go in. She told me that Sam had a fever and needed to come home. There were strict rules and regulations that went with the assignment and one of them stipulated that we couldn’t call in when the pager went off. So I went in. The most agonizing decision I had ever made.
It wasn’t a life threatening illness. Mimi and her family loved Sam and we fully believed he was in the best hands possible aside from being with us. But making the decision to drive past Mimi’s house and drive to where I was ordered - pure torture. It felt like I had been shot in the gut with a cannon ball.
I am fully aware I am not the only one who has ever made a tough parenting decision, but that didn’t occur to me then and even if it had - it would not have lessened the hurt or the guilt.
But it made for an easier decision later on. My command (bless them - they were the best) offered to transfer me somewhere close to where Cargill was moving us but I pushed for the “get out” option. And they made it happen. I became a member of the Navy Reserves in 1999 after we moved to Illinois. It was an ideal situation that allowed me to stay home with Sam and continue serving on weekends. I would finish my career in the Navy as a reservist with 20 years and receive the pay and full benefits when I was 60. At the tender age of 35, 60 was impossible to imagine.
You know what happened next right? September 11, 2001.
I was recalled to active duty and went to SOCCENT in Tampa on November 9th. THIS was the most agonizing decision I had ever made. Sam was 2.5 years old. And he understood I had to go but what he didn’t understand, couldn’t grasp, was that I would be back. He was mad, so mad. I missed his 4th birthday when I was in Iraq. That sucked. But Mother’s Day was the worst. I think because I didn’t prepare myself.
But we were still one of the lucky ones. I knew he was well cared for and loved to pieces every minute. That’s comfort that doesn’t come easily.
My first roommate in Tampa was a single mother with two young kids. Her closest relatives lived in Panama. Her kids did not have a well established relationship with them. But that’s where they went when she was recalled for the war. She didn’t have any other options. When you join the Navy, active or reserves, you have to provide the name and contact info of the person who will care for your dependents if deployed. Her story is just one of how many? That’s how I can say with absolute honesty that we were lucky.
There were angels all over the place helping, guiding, supporting and loving on us. I am not throwing the word angel around lightly. These were people that crossed our path that can’t be described or explained any other way.
Cargill (bless them and Doug Dunlay) found a position for Barry in Fayetteville, NC. His new boss, Jody, his wife Amy, and their daughter Abby pulled Barry and Sam right into their family orbit with dinners, picking up Sam from pre-school, taking him to Abby’s soccer games, halloween parties, all of it. They have become and will remain life-long friends. Our neighbors Diane and Pee Wee welcomed Barry and Sam to a home cooked meal multiple times a week. Miss Diane cooked like she was expecting her two grown sons and their hockey team to drop in every night of the week. Mom and Jerry helped take care of Sam too. He was at their house 3 or 4 days a week, riding tractors with papaw, planting the garden with momaw, drinking pepsi, developing a taste for lobster (a tale for another day) and being a cowboy.
Moma coined a saying for Sam when I was deployed and it’s painted on a Christmas ornament she made. One side is an American flag and the opposite side is a chalkboard that says, “Watch out Osama, cause the Navy just hired my Moma!”
I was recalled to active duty for 2 years. The second year I served at JSOC in Fayetteville and when I was released from active duty I stayed on as a contractor for a bit. Then we moved to Minnesota. And that’s a whole nother story.
I realize that felt like a lot of history to get through. But it’s part of my story and I had to get through it all to get to this part: I’ll be officially retired May 2024 and we will be even more thankful for what was earned during my 20 plus (mostly awesome) years in the world’s finest Navy. It’s hard to believe that a decision we made 25 years ago is going to come to life in just a few months.
There is plenty more to tell but I’ll save it for later. Hoping to cover some of it with my main squeeze, the CLF to my CATF, the lover of goats, my Marine - BearKat. We are going to record a podcast soon. Stand-by for all that.
Thanks for stopping in.
Take care of yourselves and go live some main character shit.
